Meadowlark Story Society assignment: a creepy Chuck E. Cheese story

Charlie Cheese

Chuck E. Cheese hated his name. How could he not hate it? He shared his name with a deranged-looking mouse with protruding ears and a penchant for cheese pizza and arcade games. His parents, Juanita and Gerald Cheese, were self-styled comedians who, in their opinion (in their dreams, thought Chuck), were just as funny as the highest paid jokesters of the day.

As a child, Chuck loved his name. From age four to eight, being Chuck E. Cheese was the greatest!  He can still recall how he felt when he first entered the pizza joint in his neighborhood and felt like he owned the world. Around age 10 was when the teasing started. Luckily, his circle of friends and family was small enough (especially the Cheese relatives) that eventually it became a non-issue.

So, when he turned 20, Chuck decided to start going by Charlie. In certain situations, Charles. Reversing the typical name-to-nickname in this case, he thought that by slightly altering the fact that he was named after a pizza-eating mouse, he could continue to make his way in the larger world. He was going to college! Charlie was going to break out of the small town in which he had lived and dive into a bigger fishbowl.

His name change successful, Charlie started the fall semester at the University of Northern Colorado in  Greeley. Yes, that famous pizzeria for children is present in this hip college town.  Majoring in Aerospace Studies, Charlie was ready to conquer the world. Free of the stuffy little town in which he grew up, he was ripe for self-transformation (among other things).

Fast forward to his sophomore year:  Charlie has fooled no one by changing his first name. If anything, when he uses the stodgy version of Charles (not helped by the future King of England and his strong resemblance to the pizza mouse) it makes him the brunt of jokes AND nerdy by extension.

As if this wasn’t enough, Charlie decided to take a job at Chuck E. Cheese. Perhaps he thought, why not? Perhaps he thought he was doomed, anyway. He started the job near the pizzeria near 28th Street just before Thanksgiving his sophomore year. Classes were hard. Instead of studying more, Charlie decided a diversion was in order.

Things went well at first. His coworkers liked him, and thought it cool and amusing that his name matched the sign out front. Many thought it a trick, a prank he played (pretty extensive prank, name changing, Charlie thought). It was during one of the nights that the animated band malfunctioned that Charlie’s life began to change. Charlie hated the band, but happened to be the only employee who could get it working again, much to his manager’s chagrin, or delight, he couldn’t tell.

The stupid animated band was always malfunctioning. Those creepy animals were too large; too, well, CREEPY for kids to fully embrace, argued Charlie to his manager.

“They’re awful, and the kids are afraid of them,” Charlie often said. “We need to just take the whole damn thing out of the store.” The store manager, Harry, glowered at him, and Charlie thought maybe he had gone too far. He needed this job; he didn’t need to get fired.

“I agree” piped a voice from nowhere, it seemed. Then, a girl, walking into the kitchen. “They’re outdated and beyond creepy,” she replied. She had dark brown hair, bright blue eyes. Stunning. Charlie wondered where she came from.

“Charlie, this is Sonia,” Harry introduced them. “Sonia, Charlie. Sonia’s our new evening manager.”

This was the first Charlie had heard that they had an evening manager. Why didn’t HE get a chance at being hired as the new evening manager? He’d been the most reliable employee thus far. Which wasn’t saying much in a college town, but, still.

After this initial introduction, Sonia sided with Charlie on all points relating to the animated band. Not worth the hassle, creepy, the kids made fun of them. But the store manager wouldn’t budge.

“They’re a part of Chuck E. Cheese legacy, brand, whatever,” he defended, tossing his hands around. Then, raising his voice: “Just drop it, Charlie.”

Sonia and Charlie began to spend more time together, and Charlie quickly got over his jealousy over her position over him. They would sit next to each other during breaks, sharing the fantastic specialty pizza that one of the cooks prepared just for them. Charlie began to hope their friendship would turn into something more, but he thought it best to take things slow. For now, he enjoyed sharing meals with Sonia.

“I have an idea,” Sonia shared one night when no other employees were in hearing distance. “Let’s disable the band completely. Then he’ll have no other choice but to eventually remove the whole thing from the store. You’re the only one who can fix it, right now…he’s not going to take the time and money to call a repair person.”

Charlie thought this was a great idea, and was surprised he hadn’t thought of it before.

The next night, he started to think through the plan…how he could disable the machine, but still make it appear accidental, and, at the same time, make it appear hopeless. This last bit would require some acting on his part, but he thought he was up to the task. Sonia’s enthusiasm buoyed him.

Charlie and Sonia decided to take matters into their own hands on a Sunday night. Sunday nights were typically slow, and, after the busy weekend, it would seem logical that the band had had enough.

Disabling the band was harder than Charlie thought it would be. He was hoping to tinker with a bolt, loosen something, and it would just fail to start the next morning. But he felt he needed to have it appear as if nothing at all had been touched, or at least nothing that his manager would notice.

Sonia stepped in and reminded him that Harry, the manager, wouldn’t touch the band with a ten-foot pole. He liked the band, liked its place in Chuck E Cheese lore, but was slightly afraid of the gorilla. Not wanting to explore the gorilla fear further, Charlie nodded and decided to take a risk. He’d remove the entire motor mechanism from the trap set, where it was located. He banked on the fact that Harry would steer clear of the band and would just rely on him, Charlie, to fix it.

Even this proved more difficult than he thought, and by 1:00 am, Charlie and Sonia were still at the restaurant.

“Dammit, why is this goddamn thing not budging?” Charlie’s frustration mounted with each passing minute. The motor mechanism was caked with grease and looked like something from 1900. If he ever got it out, he certainly wouldn’t be able to re-install it. Sweat dripped from his brow as Sonia patted his back.

“You’ll get it, keep going,” she reassured him.

She was right. By 2:00 am, exhausted beyond comprehension and anxious as well, Charlie hauled the motor out to his car and heaved it into the trunk.

The next day, when Sonia and Charlie arrived, the rest of the staff was hopping around excitedly.

It appeared that the band not only wasn’t NOT working, they/it had added two new songs to their repertoire. Sonia and Charlie stood staring at the band, mouths on the floor, as it started playing Sylvia’s Mother by Doctor Hook. Was it a coincidence that this was one of Charlie’s favorite songs?

Running from the store, Charlie jumped into his car and drove around the block, smoking cigarette after cigarette in order to quell his feelings of horror. By the time Sonia had texted him, and he had calmed down, but he was beginning to feel this effects of his name. Because, really, wasn’t that was this was all about? He either needed to embrace being Chuck E. Cheese, or he needed to get the hell away from it.

Maybe this was his destiny. Maybe instead of Aerospace Engineering, Charlie needed to look at restaurant management. The alternative, the possibility of drifting away from Sonia, was unthinkable.

From now on, he would be Chuck E. Cheese. He’d return to his roots, he’d embrace his full name, and fix the Chuck E. Cheese legacy, one animated band at a time.

Note: Chuck E. Cheese restaurants are retiring the animatronic bands in most locations. Because they're too creepy? No, it appears kids just don't care about the band anymore.